April Update

Hello everyone! It has been just over a month since our very first entry! First, thank you all so much for all the comments and texts of love and support! It has been very surreal feeling bringing smiles to our faces to hear from our loved ones as they received our announcement. Thank you! And thank you for checking back monthly! It is our goal to provide an update once a month.

For those who have already been shopping and sending gifts from our registry, you are angels. Talk about surreal! Not only because people are showering us so early in the process but also to start hangs items in our home A reminder that our time with our little is closer than ever before! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!

Here’s a question we have received that we are happy to answer:

Q: Are you going to have a baby shower?

A: Not in the traditional sense. Our current feelings are that if there are any big gatherings of celebrations, it would be more of a “sip and see” once the baby is here and we are all settled. Our reasoning is to protect our mental and emotional wellness. We are not sure what our journey looks like, what our relationship with our birth family looks like, and there will be many unknowns, even after birth.

If our child is born in Texas, the legal relinquishment window is 48 hours. Meaning, 48 hours must pass from birth, before birth mother can sign off on relinquishment. Decisions can be changed during that time. This relinquishment process is similar in all other states but the time period tends to be longer. Once our family is together, celebrations will be planned!

This month we attended a HH at Gladney to meet other families in our same program and to meet the new social workers that will be guiding us. It was a lovely evening meeting families in the area, sharing our stories, and being within company that understands “it” all.

A few months ago, shortly after the holidays, I (Anna) reached out to our social worker at Gladney, vulnerably seeking reassurance and resources to help support me/us during this waiting period. I was given a list of books, articles, and online courses….but they all seemed to glaze over this particular part of the journey, the waiting part, and the focus was post placement.

Naturally, and not surprising I’m sure, I created a flyer that the social workers could forward to all the “mamas in waiting” with my phone number on it. I was desperate for connection, conversation, validation, and community as a mama in waiting myself. And I wasn’t alone! Out of the 27 mamas in DFW going through this program, 10 texted me!

I was not alone! A group chat was created, some of the families were at the Gladney HH where we could meet in person, and on May I am hosting another get together! I am excited to see where these connections lead and hopeful we can find comfort together.

Lastly, we lost our boy, eldest dog, Bowie. On Patrick’s birthday, we had a beautiful morning together as our family of four, and that afternoon ushered Bowie from earthside to beyond. A huge piece of our family is missing and our hearts are broken. I am devastated that my Bowie is gone, and the thought that him and our child won’t know each other earthside, is beyond painful. Thank you to everyone for all of your love and support during this time of loss for our family.

Thank you for keeping in touch with us and staying through this update! We will be back in May!

-Anna

Welcome!

You made it to the place where you can stay updated and informed on our family’s journey! We are adopting! After a year of completing all the required tasks, we are now just waiting for the “call”, as it is said.  Becoming parents was always a destination Pat and I knew we would arrive to individually before we even knew each other.  Then the universe brought the two of us together and a new, beautiful destination of being parents together was the journey we embarked on and walking towards currently. Though there were many seasons of being impatient, frustrated, or even wondering if it would ever be something to arrive to, we are grateful for the reminders of how everything happens at just the right time. When we become parents, we will have over 12 years of marriage and 16 years of partnership together. Many years of growing, learning, reconnecting, changing, supporting, living life, and fighting for the life we desire. We both have years of counseling and therapy individually that have not only healed and brought light to parts of us as individuals that not only make us better partners for each other, but better parents for our children.  

We are in our 40’s and have had the privilege of having the wild, fun, wreckless, late nights, later mornings, completing college, experience careers of choice, make friends, lose friends, find our people, explore new hobbies, and have achieved so much in every aspect one can achieve. In this waiting process, we have been able to provide space for our family in ways that others have not had access or ability to. We feel, instead of impatience, prepared, willing, able, and an unbelievably eager in wanting for our family to be united. And the best part is the life we get to live, adventures to experience, and dreams that are yet to be chased and achieved.

Like our announcement stated, we are in the waiting period. How the process with Gladney works, is that we, in simple terms, are on a waiting list. Currently we are #124 out of #142 families waiting for placement in the Domestic Infant Adoption Program. This means our birthmother will connect with us from any state in the U.S. When it is our turn for our profile to be shared with birthmothers waiting to match for placement, we will be contacted and made aware that the agency will share our profile to a birth mother or mothers. Next, if the birthmother is feeling drawn to us, there’s a connection made for the two of us to communicate and then either a “match” is made, or it isn’t. If it isn’t, then the process starts over. If a match is made, then it becomes official and the relationship and communication based on both parties agreed terms/boundaries begins. This is mediated and done with Gladney social workers alongside both parties. The hopeful journey is that the relationship blossoms with us all getting to know each other, being partners during the pregnancy through birth, and staying in the relationship as the child grows. There are possibilities that we can match with a mother, and she can terminate our match at any time before birth. There are possibilities that we can match, have failed matches, many times, before we are able to meet our little one. We could get a match this week, next month, or next year.

We are aware of the heartaches that can occur on this road. So, this waiting period is also for us to get realllll good and grounded with ourselves, self care, shed what energies don’t serve us, and fully lean into energies of love, excitement, and support so that if and when grief comes, we are rooted in the work of taking care even in the unknown.  

Thank you for being a support of this journey with us. Your love, curiosity, and thoughtfulness towards our family is greatly appreciated. 

Feel free to ask us questions anytime, anywhere. Stay tuned for the next update!